Lose your job now 5 tips to get to severance heaven

Lose Your Job Now: 5 Tips to Get to Severance Heaven

Want to get laid off, but dont know how? Follow these tips and the boss will take out the pink slips in no time!

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You've schemed, you've scammed, you've plotted, but the elusive layoff has evaded you for the last time. Your desire to go to that spacious severance-package-in-the-sky needs to be fulfilled without further ado. How will you get upper management to see how pointless your position really is? Follow these five tips and soon you'll be packing your pictures.

1. Work in customer service.

Between voice-response systems, outsourcing to other countries, and form emails, who needs to talk to a person? See Exhibit A:

"Dear Sir or Madam,
Thank you for your feedback. At this time we are unable to <insert request here>. We highly value you as a customer and apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We hope you will consider NeverDoingBusinessWithYouAgain, Inc. in the future.
Sincerely,
Generic Jenny"

With quality responses such as these, who needs to talk to a customer service agent?

2. Apply for middle management.

In the pyramid-scheme of employment, middle management is the most

 

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